I’ve always been “the relationship girl.” From the time I was 13, I was almost never without a boyfriend. If I’m honest, I built a lot of my identity around being chosen in that way, thinking that if a boy liked me, I must be worth something.

While that mindset completely skewed my vision for my future relationships and subsequently my self-image, one thing I didn’t realize then was how much my friendships, especially with other girls, were quietly taking a back seat. 

I had friends, but I wasn’t investing in them the way I should have. I was chasing the attention I thought mattered most, and in the process, I missed out on building the kind of deep, lasting connections that carry through life’s milestones.

It hit me one day. I’ve never been asked to be in someone’s wedding. Not once.

Some people might shrug at that. I know plenty who joke about bridesmaid duties being a hassle with the ugly dresses, the endless group chats, the money spent on things you’ll never use again. But for me, it’s always seemed like the unofficial statement that you’re best friends—a sign that someone considered you important enough to stand by their side on one of the biggest days of their life.

Instead, I’ve been a guest or the photographer they got at a discount because they knew I had a camera. Sometimes, I haven’t even been on the guest list.  And while that reality isn’t super heartbreaking, it is sobering. It makes me think about the ways I’ve failed in my friendships.

Now, making friends as an adult can feel awkward. People already have their circles, their shared history and I never know how to act. I’m trying to remind myself that my identity can’t be based on how others see me or whether I’m included in their big moments, but I’m only human.

So, I’m working on trying to be a good friend. Real friendship comes from showing up. It’s asking questions, listening to the answers, encouraging, celebrating wins and being present in losses. It’s remembering the small things and putting in the time, even when it’s inconvenient.

Whether or not that invitation ever comes, I can be the person who shows up, sticks around and values connection for what it is. It’s about who is there for you when the music fades and the party’s over.