I’m going to treat my friends to unlimited doughnuts because the fatter they get, the skinnier I’ll look. For many years, I thought this was the ultimate diet plan. 

That’s sort of a joke. And I told that because I’m addressing fat people this month. Before I get started, let me preface this by saying I’m one of you, or in some cases, two of you. 

Yes, I know what it’s like to pull out a sticky note at Subway and pretend that second sandwich you’re ordering isn’t really for you. I know what it’s like to always want a second cheeseburger, a second slice of pie, or a second anything. 

With that said, I must get something off my chest — and it’s more than 100 pounds of unwanted fat. It’s time that those of us in the fat fraternity start taking necessary steps to downsize our super-size bodies. I’m not asking you to seek what society deems as the perfect body; I’m asking you to make a lifestyle change so you can achieve a healthier and happier you. 

I will if you will.

I’ve used the same excuses as you have to justify my obesity. It’s my genetic destiny. I’m just big boned. Fast food is easier and more convenient. We’re big because of what — and how much — we choose to put in our mouths. And then we fail to work it off. It’s that simple. Unlike chocolate cake, those words are hard to swallow, but they’re words we must digest. 

I know being obese means we have a lot on our plates. First, we’re more likely to suffer from heart disease, diabetes, and God knows what else. Second, we’re the last frontier in tolerable prejudices. Unlike age, race, religion and sex, federal and state laws to not make it illegal to discriminate against obese people. 

Should we expect people to treat us decently? Of course. Should we expect those same people to embrace obesity as the new norm? Absolutely not.

And neither should we. After all, we are blessed with options. The first — and most important — option is to look in the mirror and admit we have a problem rather than pretend we’re victims of some unfixable health issue. Once we scrap the victim role, we can take responsibility for our own health. While few of us accept our current bodies, we can build a body we choose to accept. And we don’t have to go at it alone. There is plenty of help for the overweight and obese. 

After months of pounding pavement, pumping iron, and skipping happy hour, we’ll feel more comfortable about our appearance, and just feel better, period. We can lose the plump and proud façade because we’ve transformed into a person for whom the “f” word no longer applies. 

So, next time someone asks me why I’m fat, I will no longer say it runs in my family. 

I’ll be honest and say it’s because nobody (especially me) in my family runs.